Roaring 20’s
“You’ll have bad times, but it’ll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren’t paying attention to.”
I am a man who is many things for many people. One of the titles that I take the most pride in, is being a "big homie."
I'm honestly not even sure how those relationships start, but the little homies will always mean the world to me. There is some higher power that routinely brings people into my life who remind me a lot of myself at various stages of my life. A lot of the time, they are a young Black artist, a lot of times a poet, who might still be growing into their voice, their values, and their purpose.
One of the little homies turned 20 this week, and in response to my celebratory "welcome to your 20's" message, they asked "any advice for my 20s?"
I instantly went into a 7-minute nostalgia spiral. Here I was, in the "twilight" of my 20's, in my new apartment, starting a new job the next day, trying to figure out what advice I would give. 7 minutes isn't that long, but it is long enough to really marvel at what all can happen in 8 years' time. I turned 20 in April 2016, and at that juncture of my life:
I had hosted the 2nd ever Flexin' My Expression event, just 6 months after performing poetry for the first time ever.
I was finishing up my internship at UC San Diego's Black Resource Center.
I was still a year away from my brother coming home.
We were preparing for a milestone election (Spoiler Alert: A lot of people were upset).
I was preparing to enter my final year of undergrad at UC San Diego.
For some of you reading this, you understand the depth of significance of many of those bullet points. It is unbelievable how much has happened since then, and how much I have grown. With that in mind, I gave the little homie the following pieces of advice:
Who you are and what you value matters more than anything else.
Nothing is cooler than what you find cool.
If you think something is lame, it probably is.
Stay away from dumb [redacted].
Value connections you care about intentionally.
Make time for people you care about. Don't for people you don't.
I went on to think about that advice for the next hour. I told her that I was reflecting on it so much now, and she asked "how were your 20s?" WERE!?!?!?!?! Ouch.
After clarifying that I still had some 20's left on the clock, I told her that they were amazing. Lots of highs. Some devastating lows, but lots of highs. I think a lot of people can attest to that. There were times where it didn't feel like life could get any worse, and times where it felt like life couldn't get any better. I was wrong each of those times, for better and for worse.
The other day, an artist invited me into their home in the hills, and we had our first extended sit down conversation. We have known each other for years, and the energy has always been right what it needed to be, but this was our opportunity to talk. That artist shared with me that every time they saw me doing something, or interacting with people, they would think to themself "Yup. That's Kyler." That is the best affirmation anyone could give me. I have spent a lot of time in my young adulthood carving out this stoic persona, figuring out who I am, what I value, what I want, and what I need. The more life I experience, the more I realize how much I do not know. I had to give up that pursuit of perfectionism in the eyes of people not living my life, and instead, shifted focus to ensuring I was the most imperfectly perfect version of Kyler. For some people, that person is someone to be admired. For others, that person is an enigma. What matters to me, is that I am consistent in how I want my life to play out, being intentional in every single thing that I do.
If you are an old geezer like me, what advice would you give to someone entering their 20's? Comment below!
