From Torrance to Turks
“You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!”
Let me tell you about my best friend…
Going on 16 years ago, (!!!) I was a 13-year-old freshman at Bishop Montgomery High School in Torrance, California. There were a group of us whose parents had to be at work by a certain time, so we were dropped off pretty early, and would wander the hallways from 1st Building to 3rd and back to pass time until the 5 [minute bell] rang. Lisa, myself, and a couple other early birds would hit the snack bar for the most delicious cookies and breakfast burritos ever, and proceed to talk sports (especially the Lakers), French class, and the general trending topics of the hallways. Lisa is one of maybe 3 people I know who are at least as big of a fan of the Lakers as I am. Surprisingly enough, we had never been to a Lakers game until 13 years later in 2022. Now, we have been to numerous games together in multiple states, and it is only a matter of time before we are courtside.
If you had a time machine and transported back to 2009 and told us that before either of us officially turned 30, we would take a vacation to Turks & Caicos, we probably wouldn't have believed you. I personally wouldn't have even known what that was.
It all started with a text message on March 3, 2024 that read “also bro i'm thinking about going to turks and caicos for my 30th.” At that time, I had just moved back home to LA from San Diego, and she was still on the East Coast, and had no idea what I would be doing come January 2025, but in the spirit of more life, I was willing to lock in. Didn't know who was going to be there, how I was paying for it, or what to expect, but I knew it was something I wouldn't want to miss out on.
January 15, 2025, it was time to go. My dad dropped me off at Lisa's, and the trip was actually about to happen. We get to the airport and run into 1 super familiar face, 1 vaguely familiar, and 1 I had never come across. Eventually we land at our layover in Charlotte, and came across another set. Our group was almost fully formed, just waiting on 1 other brand new face when we got to the island.
Local Turks Beer (I don’t even rock with beer like that but this was good).
The whole flight to Turks, I kept wondering what it would be like when I first saw just how beautiful the water actually is. I’ve seen countless pictures on social media, countless glamour shots from movies, and somehow the real thing still continuously amazed me. I felt like I was starting my first ever real vacation. I’ve taken days off before, but never had I been to somewhere tropical, somewhere where the goal was to relax and just have a good time. My first introduction to “island time.”
In America, it is so normalized for something to always be a pressing issue. Emails that have to be replied to by 5pm, expensive doctor’s appointments that you can’t be more than 15 minutes late to, you get the gist. Especially growing up in the city of Angels, them angel wings work overtime. To be able to just kick back and relax surrounded by water? I don’t think I have ever experienced so much peace.
And that’s before even getting to what we did in Turks, which honestly, has very little importance. You kind of had to be there…
There’s a reason “making it out of the group chat” is a big deal - especially for Black folks. Something is bound to come up. Somebody forgot something that was supposed to happen on some day at some time. Somebody didn’t get they ticket in time and now it’s too expensive. Somebody never was going in the first place, but was trying to people please. So many somethings get in the way of a trip happening. Nevertheless, Lisa successfully got 8 of her friends out of the country as a unit.
As people have inevitably asked for me to tell them “about Turks,” my responses have all been very consistent - I have to start with the people. As I mentioned, I had varying levels of familiarity with the people in our group, ranging from 15 years to 5 hours ago at the airport. People with a variety of different backgrounds, stories, relationships to each other, and one shared understanding - we in f***in’ Turks! What does that mean? We here to have a good time and celebrate people we mutually love. By the time we departed, the people I gave goodbye hugs to at the airport were not strangers. They were more than just people passing by a common place at a common time. They were friends.
Beyond the people, of course we had fun. We tested our friendships with UNO & Spades, roasted each other like groups of favorite cousins, got to know each other through stories, and stayed hydrated the entire time. My favorite moments took place on boats - dancing along to Tipsy (A Bar Song), TV Off, and other songs that just hit different when you on a boat in Turks. At one point, a few of us (feeling adventurous) slid down into the ocean from the top deck of the boat, followed by leaps of faith directly into the ocean (with floatation devices as backup). Jumping into the depths of the Caribbean was the perfect encapsulation of letting go of whatever stressors of “reality” was in my head and fully embracing vacation mode.
There aren’t enough words in my lexicon to fully describe how freeing it was to be in Turks. Most people that know me probably have never seen me turn up one time for real, but for my best friend, we had to go up one time for the one time (and maybe another time). The vibes were immaculate the entire time, the DJ did his big one at the lounge, putting on an iconic run of songs that would make any LA native proud. We had our own driver who was the realest of ones, and we had a private chef with 10/10 hospitality/service. We ate goooood - from beef patties, to coco bread, jerk chicken, chicken patties, and don’t get me started about them damn chicken strips at Noah’s Ark (Chef’s Kiss).
Vacations don’t fix all of life’s problems, but they do give your spirit its own dance floor to 2-step in the sun for a while no matter how dark life has gotten. Hopefully this inspires you to go ahead and look up prices for that flight.
Roaring 20’s
“You’ll have bad times, but it’ll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren’t paying attention to.”
I am a man who is many things for many people. One of the titles that I take the most pride in, is being a "big homie."
I'm honestly not even sure how those relationships start, but the little homies will always mean the world to me. There is some higher power that routinely brings people into my life who remind me a lot of myself at various stages of my life. A lot of the time, they are a young Black artist, a lot of times a poet, who might still be growing into their voice, their values, and their purpose.
One of the little homies turned 20 this week, and in response to my celebratory "welcome to your 20's" message, they asked "any advice for my 20s?"
I instantly went into a 7-minute nostalgia spiral. Here I was, in the "twilight" of my 20's, in my new apartment, starting a new job the next day, trying to figure out what advice I would give. 7 minutes isn't that long, but it is long enough to really marvel at what all can happen in 8 years' time. I turned 20 in April 2016, and at that juncture of my life:
I had hosted the 2nd ever Flexin' My Expression event, just 6 months after performing poetry for the first time ever.
I was finishing up my internship at UC San Diego's Black Resource Center.
I was still a year away from my brother coming home.
We were preparing for a milestone election (Spoiler Alert: A lot of people were upset).
I was preparing to enter my final year of undergrad at UC San Diego.
For some of you reading this, you understand the depth of significance of many of those bullet points. It is unbelievable how much has happened since then, and how much I have grown. With that in mind, I gave the little homie the following pieces of advice:
Who you are and what you value matters more than anything else.
Nothing is cooler than what you find cool.
If you think something is lame, it probably is.
Stay away from dumb [redacted].
Value connections you care about intentionally.
Make time for people you care about. Don't for people you don't.
I went on to think about that advice for the next hour. I told her that I was reflecting on it so much now, and she asked "how were your 20s?" WERE!?!?!?!?! Ouch.
After clarifying that I still had some 20's left on the clock, I told her that they were amazing. Lots of highs. Some devastating lows, but lots of highs. I think a lot of people can attest to that. There were times where it didn't feel like life could get any worse, and times where it felt like life couldn't get any better. I was wrong each of those times, for better and for worse.
The other day, an artist invited me into their home in the hills, and we had our first extended sit down conversation. We have known each other for years, and the energy has always been right what it needed to be, but this was our opportunity to talk. That artist shared with me that every time they saw me doing something, or interacting with people, they would think to themself "Yup. That's Kyler." That is the best affirmation anyone could give me. I have spent a lot of time in my young adulthood carving out this stoic persona, figuring out who I am, what I value, what I want, and what I need. The more life I experience, the more I realize how much I do not know. I had to give up that pursuit of perfectionism in the eyes of people not living my life, and instead, shifted focus to ensuring I was the most imperfectly perfect version of Kyler. For some people, that person is someone to be admired. For others, that person is an enigma. What matters to me, is that I am consistent in how I want my life to play out, being intentional in every single thing that I do.
If you are an old geezer like me, what advice would you give to someone entering their 20's? Comment below!
If You Feel It…
“Asgard is not a place. It’s a people.”
As I am writing this, the sun is setting over the Pacific in a starring role against a Tropical Punch sky backdrop. I have deep concern for anyone who only ever sees the sky as just “blue.”
8 years ago (the specific date is not relevant to the story), Black Xpression became a thing from a group of people with broken parts that fit together imperfectly enough to become something special. At the time, Caribbean Pleasures was located in Bonita, California, about an hour plus drive against traffic from UC San Diego. Every Friday though, I made that mission. Just to be there early enough to move a chair or two, and help contribute to the vibe. These were some of real people I had been searching all over San Diego for.
I came across some of those people through a leap of faith preceded by a series of coincidences that I am forever grateful for. Cambria and I host Flexin My Expression at UCSD, the feature, Shelley Bruce, brings her friend Amen Ra, and my my friend Sabrina was in attendance with her best friend Kai. Amen Ra performed one of the first spoken word pieces I had ever heard live and in person. I was inspired and talked to Kai about other places to hear poetry in San Diego. That brought me to Lyrical (Exchange!) where I performed The Introvert for the first time, which introduced me to people like Sakea, Kovu, Ebony, Jeff, and Ronnie.
As the universe had it, not too long after, every Friday night was dedicated to Black Xpression. It introduced me to so many artists that have grown to levels that I could only imagine, but would never surprise me. You walked into Black Xpression under the assumption you probably would witness a life changing performance from someone just trying to find their place in the world. My favorite thing though, there was space for every type of Black person to be whatever version of themselves was comfortable in that space.
If you are Black in San Diego long enough, someone will ask you “Where the Black people at???” Black Xpression introduced me to a lot of the true Black San Diego natives and culture. Is it going to be a perfect fit for everyone? Absolutely not; however, once you have experienced the space, you are no longer allowed to say you never see Black people in San Diego. Through Black Xpression, I have met Black people from so many different walks of life, and to date, only a very small percentage have been on the podcast thus far. I have so so so many more stories to come.
Dear UCSD…
From Gramercy with love…
“Part of the journey is the end.”
Around this time 11 years ago, I was 17-years-old packing up to go to college and move away from home for the first time. I might as well have been packing to Narnia with how much that transpired since then. In March 2013, UC San Diego sent me an email that would change the trajectory of my life forever. I had been accepted to (what I didn’t really internalize in the moment) one of the top institutions in the world. At the time, it was a consolation prize because Stanford had other plans, but it slowly began to evolve into a decision for the ages. I still remember the shock at Bishop Montgomery High School, when the [Black] kid who had been accepted to UC Berkeley and UCLA, chose to go to UC San Diego?!?
Fast forward to September 2013, I had fully moved into Marshall U-Building, and got my first Blackening on campus, walking around the suite and realizing not a single other Black person lived on that floor (Shout out to Cam downstairs though). I have people like Ashley, Arielsela, Andre, and Brilon to thank for making such a big institution feel a lot smaller, by getting to know other Black people on campus. Ashley walked all the way from Sixth to Marshall (before they were neighboring colleges) to hang out, Arielsela went with me to my first BSU meeting, Andre took on my Class of 2017 2k challenge, and Brilon… if y’all only knew how much of a big sister she was for me during that transition time, and continues to be to this day. I found my home away from home in the Matthews Apartments (Queen Jazzy's domain. I can’t keep y'all here all day talking about Jazzy) home of the wall of clown shit (among other infamous walls), people braiding hair, Alexis’ red beans & rice on the stove, and Flavor of Love on the TV. Those are the things I look back on most fondly when I think about finding community on campus. Black Women made my experience at UCSD. Out of every single job I had throughout 11 years on campus, a Black Woman was my direct supervisor, with the exception of my stint in Psychology for a year. I can’t tell my story without telling the stories of Black Women leaders, friends, femtors, and advocates that have crossed paths with mine.
Needless to say, not everything was sunshine and roses during that first 4 years on campus. The Blackening kept happening and happening… from protests, to demonstrations, micro and macroaggressions, imposter syndrome, being Black on that campus (and most college campuses) taught me many life lessons. Luckily, I eventually found my next home on campus at the Black Resource Center. The BRC was a consistent stop, multiple times a day, any day it was open. Stacia and Porsia were familiar voices of wisdom, guidance, and reassurance that I could be a beast at UCSD. I became an intern for them in 2015, and that is when the growth really took off. I brought Black artists to campus through Flexin’ My Expression, sat in numerous high-impact meetings with administrators trying to better campus for Black students to come, and just was getting my hands dirty, helping anyone that asked, and many who didn’t, just in the spirit of community.
I obviously came to college to get a degree, and am leaving campus with 2 of them, but my time on campus was so much more than that. When I was preparing for college, I had no idea what I wanted to study. I had no idea what I wanted to be “when I grew up.” Once I realized people would never stop asking me until I figured it out, I drafted a standard response was that I just wanted to make an impact and help people. Mission accomplished.
My first day as a full-time employee at UC San Diego was August 14, 2017. 7 years later, I am penning this as I have accepted a new position at a new institution to continue my professional career. People have asked me if I am “sad” about leaving, and I honestly struggle to find sadness in any of it. The relationships I have fostered during my time on campus extend far beyond being physically present there. Nostalgia will always have its place, but my roots needed a new pot - I know I still have plenty more flowers I need to bloom, and unfortunately, it could no longer happen in La Jolla.
If any one student learned any one thing from me during my time at UC San Diego, I hope it was that anything is possible on that campus if you want it enough, and tell the right person. I hope that even if they don’t know my full UCSD story, they know that I checked every corner, pulled up a chair at every table I could, and earned a level of respect on that campus that still has me in awe to this day.
I am the cockiest humble person you will ever meet, if you ever really get to know me. Throughout my time at UCSD, I told many people that I want a statue on campus. People laughed, and I wasn’t 100% serious, but I was 51%, and that is just because there are several humbler people I personally know who deserve that statue first.
Even if I never get that statue, when people ask you about people you know from UCSD, at least tell them the story about the kid from Gramercy Place who had no idea what he was going to do in college, but did it all anyway.
